I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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