I just cut my nipple shaving
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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