so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
