we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
