Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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