thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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