Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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