I need to stop coming to work sober
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
