6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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