Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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