I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
too bad you live with your parents still
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
