I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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