If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
