Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
