Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
