what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
