Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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