Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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