Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
