I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
