the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
