I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
