Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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