Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So much Jack, so little girl.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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