can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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