I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
