haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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