She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I deserve this hangover.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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