We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
