Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
