DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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