Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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