Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
