Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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