I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize