Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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