Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
