Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
