Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
