eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
