So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
