I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
