If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
