Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
