If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
