We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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