did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
