I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
