We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
