we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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