She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
