i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
