I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
