Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
