I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
