I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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