So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
