i think my tv is drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
