ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
