even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize