my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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