never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
