# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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