I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
