Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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