yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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