The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
