If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
