I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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