He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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