I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
